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I can’t believe it’s gone from being shyly invited to a Halloween Party by Claire and Rachel to dancing in a car park with Freddie and not being able to let go because I’m gonna miss you all so much. There have been some bad times, some arguments and fall-outs and so much drama it’s a wonder how I’m not an actress, but the truth is that has been such a small fraction of my life for the past four (five?) years that it doesn’t even matter. I’ve have so many incredible memories with all of you guys. Things I can just reach into my mind and call back. And the good thing about our group is that we’re all so different that I can pick things from all over the spectrum, from girly chats and shopping trips to anime marathons to swimming in the sea with our clothes on. And I could list all my love, and all the memories, and why each one of you, my marmite friends, are so, so special, but I’m not going to because the thing with friends is that I know you have that list inside you already. So before I get all teary and stupid I’m just going to say...thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for tolerating my strangeness. Thank you for thinking it’s ok to want to be a water particle, and a snail, for laughing at my craziness and loving me for me. I sit here right now and my mind is taken over by all those good days, by sitting by the gym, most of all, covered in orange pulp and laughing our heads off.
So, guys, it’ll never be the same again. But that by no means signifies that it’s over! You can’t be rid of me, I’m gonna stick around until you’re six feet under. I love all of you and I’m not gonna say good luck, all you need you already have to make it to the top.

So it’s like I say; Friends (like you) are like pissing your pants. Everybody can see it, but only I can feel the warmth!

The World Is Just Awesome

Late late update.
Er...I remember what happened the 9th, cause I meant to write a blog but was too lazy to. The day was nice though we failed to sail again (fate is earthbound and made of jealousy) but sat drinking iced lemonade and laughing. We ate some churros and decided that the Spanish way of life was the best in the world. Lol, which might sound quite patriotic and whatnot but, come on. Sure naps exist all over the world, but which other country has a siesta as part of the culture? Meriendas. Tapas. Late at getting up, late at eating, late at going to sleep....It’s not that we’re lazy. We’re just well rested! XD
Then we threw ourselves into the pool, slid the aforementioned (inflatable) canoe onto the water and had one of those childish wars where everyone is trying to get on the bloody canoe and we’re pushing and pulling and shrieking and tugging and kicking and crying and laughing until I was exhausted. At one point I leaped unto it, slid across the elevated sides and fell off the other edge, almost drowning as I laughed underwater. It’s rare that I feel so comfortable in only my bikini to just wrestle around in it but I wasn’t even thinking about it as we somehow made groups and tried staying on the thing as long as possible.
Later, when we had tired ourselves out (my arms were literally useless after trying to tip the canoe so many times) we got ready and went to the mall again to have some icecream and see Wall-E. It’s really nice to hang out all of us outside the farm. Little Doggy and I had a complete laughing fit though, I can’t remember the last time something like that happened to us. We were some sort of hyper and as we bought ice cream we literally couldn’t stop laughing. At one point I was trying to say ‘this receipt is calculated to perfection’ but I was gasping for air so badly I couldn’t get it out, which just made it funnier. Then we turned suddenly as a kid started crying and saw a small boy with the face half dripping with ice cream, wailing away, and burst out loudly so that even the shop attendants were giggling into costumer’s faces and saying ‘they’re gonna get all of us going, now!”
I can’t pick out much else, with my catfish mind, outside the usual things. A few bad things. But that happens.
Actually, I also spent another week in La Manga which was even better than the last. But what was really cool was the last night, in which I didn’t sleep at all. For no special reason. Sleeping was just a foreign idea; something that I was to do when I fell down exhausted (which I did, heh). But around nine in the morning I just got up, got my music, and it lasted the song ‘They are night zombies!!’ to walk from the house to the beach, which was being ransacked by a strong wind. The sea was crazy, wild, and not in orderly big waves but with fragmented ones that crashed and sucked in and broke and slammed; it was chaos. I threw myself in and it was half frightening, how it toyed with me so easily. At one point I tried to catch a wave on my back because I was too far in but it slammed me down and when I surfaced, another one hit me, and then another one, and though I wasn’t scared I thought ‘I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours, and haven’t eaten in eleven...this might be bad’. But the experience itself was refreshing and special and chaotic and I loved it.
On that week I also dreamt I could fly, which I haven't done in a while.
Above a city in the sea, though at the time it didn’t seem strange. And it felt so good. So natural. As if it was the thing I had been born to do. And it wasn’t one of those typical dreams where you want to fly but can’t, or end up falling. I was just flying, with not wings or contraptions, but tilting my arms out and gliding. Soaring. I think I was on some errand, or flying for the pleasure of it, but I remember a faint thought of not being able to do this before (obviously out of the dream) and getting the feeling of how ridiculous it seemed, to live without this, this feeling, this ability. It almost had the feeling of hearing a good song or watching the mushishi sky, when I don’t know if I’m breathing too much or not enough, and my chest is trying to expand and contract at the same time and it’s as if I’m trying to contain something which is too big for me and I just can’t. Which always reminds me of the film ‘American Beauty’ which kissed the words off my lips. The living for living. The beauty for beauty...
After that there were also a lot of other special moments, and great days, and fucking, fucking awful moments. But a wonderful moment was in the last day, when we all got into my brother’s room and him and Little Doggy played along with the song ‘Zombie’ by the Cranberries which is just....it’s sex, it’s animal, it’s liquid, it’s waves in your ears, and under the skin, and in your bones. I fucking love that song and it was such a great moment, even if it was interrupted once. But the lights went off and the bass was heavy and the guitar that was accompanying acoustic and, ah, I don’t think I have to say more. The people that get this just will.
And also it was the amazing coincidence that after my brother, Little Doggy and I went to the Asiatic restaurant and got in the car, the radio was playing the song. The radio, in Spain, playing a song by the Cranberries. And out of all their songs, Zombie. And starting just when we got in. We were all surprised into a giggling silence.
And then back in Jersey, back to my clan of crazy dudes. Today was great, starting when I woke up at two in the afternoon by Freddie’s call up till right now, good things haven’t stopped happening. Dancing in the car with Freddie and wading knee-deep in the sea and taking pictures and a great sunset.
Today just has two things to say.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmBSwizauLg
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_f98qOGY0