time is contagious

Helluh!
I am cold! Because when I said I didn’t have internet what I ACTUALLY meant was that I didn’t have internet in the house and actually preferred going without it than being outside club Nintendo whilst freezing my ass off. But I’m out here with my Sister so she can see Hellsing and skimmed through the blogs and saw Lyle’s and obviously had to write one of my own cause his was rockage. And not just cause he mentioned me ;)
Christmas Eve was strange this year. People missing and stuff...in more ways than one. No Christmas Miracle for this family, not even close, but we can manage without it. Here comes a new year guys, this one is going to be better, cause we’re gonna make it better.
Tomorrow is the super cool Bas tradition to go swimming in the sea the last day of the year! You have to go underwater 3 times minimum to make it count. It’s always my brother, little doggy, me, my uncle, my dad and the ghost of my aunt and her silver scar in the headache cold water. My mum sits on the shore, looking at us, half amused and half as if she thinks we are totally insane.
Which we are.
And it is always so much damn fun. I’ve never given a metaphor to the act (like cleansing ourselves, hehe sounds too pure) and don’t really want to. It’s just...what it is. A piece of good luck, maybe, to last another twelve months. And if it doesn’t work then, oh well, let the salt taste better next time.
But yes, I have officially stolen my Dad’s camera and have taken quite a lot of pictures. I’ll put them up on facebook just because it’s so damn easy to upload them there though I should get a new place to do that. The first day we were here we all (Sara,Paloma,Guille,Laura,Me,thedogs) went to a field opposite the farm and ran and jumped and crazed about like the wild animals we are. The sunlight was everywhere, everywhere; on the leaves and melting across the horizon and in our eyes. And it was so funny when we all perched on a tree and started humming the Zelda theme tune and laughed about how we had grown up and still we were climbing trees and singing about elves and adventures.
And it’s nice when you can say some things never change and actually mean it.
At night we totally geeked out by playing Mario Kart using the Miis of Harry Potter and Voldemort we had created last summer. Though the best was using them in Wii tennis and watching Voldemort’s psycho smile.
And yesterday we had another blow-me-away moment. We all sat outside where the internet could reach us, sat in the cold, in the shadows. Huddled into ourselves as Sara showed us a song which was...raw. I listened to it, looking at the stormy night sky and oh my God what a song. Not something to just listen to whilst walking or working, no way. This song was explosive. When it finished there was a pause of silence and we said what we thought, calmly, because Sara had put herself on the line by showing us something that had impacted her so much (she cried the first time she heard it). And I closed my eyes and said something like,
“It’s like...” my voice shuddered over the silence, “as if the song is everything that is past, as if it comes from somewhere that has seen everything humans have done and can do nothing but cry. It...It sounds like the sound the earth would make after it witnesses a war. Not the violent sounds of the actual war but...In the Battle of the Somme. It sounds like the crying echo the land where it took place would leave behind if we could listen to it.”
And it was the greatest sensation to have Sara look at me and say “That’s just it. Like the earth, its the earth this song comes from. I had felt it, but didn’t know how to put it into words. That was perfect.”
Ah the Shiver feeling. When you know something is so much bigger than you and at the same time....a mere detail.
But yeah, I’m not actually going to say what song it is cause...showing it would be like showing a piece of myself because...when something makes such an impact on you it’s like it melts into you, becomes part of the person you are slowly creating. And so throughout life you are slowly picking pieces up, fitting them together, until you are some sort of strange abstract art. Beautiful and incomprehensible at the same time.
Anyway! This new year is going to rock. I shall tell you a secret and say something in me is afraid when I say that too loudly (touchwood) but I don’t care! Make your own happiness, I say.
Well, the first month of the year is going to start off with (let’s ignore the exams, my friends!) seeing Edward Scissorhands onstage! Fuck yes! Then getting a fucking job and savingsavingsaving. Having super lots of fun i school time despite that and then in June going to Glastonbury. Then having an amazingly long and fantastic Summer and in it Sara, Little Doggy, my brother and yours truly are gonna pack a couple of sleeping bags, the camera, some tinned food, some music, fit it all in a car and just leave. Just us four and whatever we want. We are gonna rough it and be as fucking crazy as possible. Sneak into hotel’s or residence’s pools to shower. Scavenging food or playing (guitar) for money. Stealing vegetables from fields and seeing the sights. Not really planned, not knowing what the fuck is going on. We are going to get lost and wilder and tired until our laughs turn hysterical and not care.
Because you know guys, the only thing I truly truly want to be in this life is a person that DOES. I plan to move around the world, to not settle for ‘comfortable’ or ‘stable’. I will always remember when Mrs Wilson told me that she was unhappy in Jersey. Too small, too boring, students everywhere. And I said “then just leave”. And she smiled and said, “it’s not that easy.”
But I never said it was easy. What I’m saying is it’s worth it. You have a family and a job and- so what!? Is that what life is about? Working and reproducing and getting trapped. No way, man.
And I can tell that when I say these things I just sound like a teenager talking dreams but...I don’t care! Hehe, I don’t care. As Lyle hopes, I’m gonna write a fucking book and make a movie and transmit all these ideas into pages and scenes and characters and I’m going to see my name on a hardback front and cry.
And its going to be wonderful.
And yay I’ve had enough motivation to write over here in Spain! Sara showed me the band ‘Explosions in the Sky’, from a new genre of music called post-modern rock and oh my god. Pure inspiration. I put the music on to study and as it started my trembling fingers had to leave the faulty numbers of statistics and write The Worst of This. It was great. 8 pages so far! Haha it’s truly pathetic how slow I write. Oh well! Slow and steady wins the game. I’ve outlined some characters which I love to do. It has an odd sense of intimacy, playing god. Scratching out the hopes and flaws and history of a person only you know.
Haha, I really don’t know what I would do without being able to write!
But yes. Also! Hehe I wasn’t sure if to tell you this since it’s personal in a strange way, but I don’t think anybody reads this blog beyond those trustworthy and I think when I tell you you’re all gonna sweatdrop and think ‘that is so Marina’. But yes, What I’m gonna do next year is that every week I’m gonna collect the names of a couple of dead people. In the newspaper of from the cemetery or anything. And for each of those people I’m going to do something. Anything. Whistle a song on the street or smile at a stranger or draw a chalk drawing on a wall. Something small, as fleeting as that person was but it will be something. Something so that for that moment the person is living on, past the breathless constraints of death. :)
And I’m gonna say now that the actual idea was not mine. A fictional character did something similar in I don’t know what story and I though “That’s awesome” and since I’m a person that does then here I go! I can even write a simple blog about it! What do you guys think? Chachacha!
Heh, and one more thing, I’m gonna leave this game with you guys. Mainly it’s for Lyle cause I think he’s the only person with the possibility of liking it but I’m putting it up here in case someone else does. It’s about physics and stuff and I will declare you officially smart if you complete it alone.
Okay then. Just some music and great philosophical questions to wrap this up.
Can Zombies have fun?
Why is Guitar Hero so fucking entertaining to watch?
Can Dinosaurs sing?
Why doesn’t princess peach just get an alarm system or something?
Actually, I’m also gonna give you this. It’s my favourite anime and although I know that’s not anybody’s thing I really do recommend it. Very different from other animes and lovely in order to just calmly pass the time.

Right, I’m going to stop now.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :(

I know you all prefer it when I write happy blogs but I just have to say:

Some people are sick in the head.

Is it supposed to be some sort of irony that this was posted the 11th of sept?

I'm so angry right now I don't know what to write. urgh.

this is pure rant

Hey everybody!
Was just watching ‘five awesome guys’, which is strange cause I don’t usually go on youtube if it’s not for music but now that I think about it it stemmed from music-watching. Also, fell in love with this conductor. I was amazed by him, I got tingles all over my body. It was magic, it literally way. The look of awe on his face, of pleasure, the way he conducted with his whole body, his whole expression.
But back to the point: five awesome guys. Are awesome. Loved the idea of 5 strangers just posting a video one day a week each (mon-fri, get it?) and just getting to know each other really well in a short period of time and they were talking about how friends online are made really quickly really intimately because you can get to know them first. You can read their blog and see their youtube videos and it’s different from the real world. And sometimes that annoys me, because it seems cowardly, to say things between screens and not face to face. To not be able to just be strange and sudden and intimate with strangers. Actually, I’m just generally disgruntled with the real world at the moment. And I hate going emo on you guys but it seriously is just pissing me off. And what else am I going to talk about but acceptance? Ok I’ve started ranting now, I can’t stop:
What is the deal with not accepting people that are different than them? The more I think about it the more it seems utterly ridiculous to me. Are different people frightening? No. You know what it is? It just came to me- it’s about barriers. When differences occur, people either perceive or build barriers out of those differences. For example, today Steph went with us to Lucy’s flat for Lucy’s birthday party but didn’t want to go to Oceana (club) because she just didn’t feel like it. And she was insisting on the fact that she was shattered, and she looked obviously uncomfortable when people persisted otherwise but still most of the gang was like ‘come on steph, come on, you’ll enjoy yourself in the end’. And ok I get it; she’s our friend, we want to spend time with her but...peer pressuring her into going out when she clearly doesn’t want to is not the way to be a good friend. And if, for example, steph continued to not want to go out clubbing then instead of getting around it by going to cafes or to the cinema or talking in lectures and over msn, people would decide that the barrier of her not going out with us would be too big to be proper friends with her. Which is just plain wrong. And then at the end of the night I went out of the dance floor to make a call with a friend and she went to the toilet and I was utterly stunned when she came back with tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong, thinking it was because she had to go home alone and didn’t want to and so obviously I insisted that it would be fine to go with her but she said it wasn’t that. She looked at me and asked me ‘Why do I always have to be the first one to go home?” and I was just floored. I knew where she was coming from; ideas that, what, she was the boring one? The, the what? Just fucking no, you know? It’s wrong that how society is has made people with such basic differences be made to feel less than what they are because of it. Just no. Be what you want to be. Be what you like. God I’m just by pure coincidence listening to this song that fits well with what I’m saying. I wish I could make people understand that...they are going to die some day and that life is all they have got. Death is nothing- it’s the end of things. Not anything to be fixated about; it’s gonna happen, that’s it. Just make the most of your life. LIVE IT. live it being you, not what other people want you to be.
And...well yeah, urgh this post is going absolutely nowhere it hasn’t been before.
I suck.
But anyway! Can we drop the emo and talk about something happy now? Yes ok: I’m going to steal my dad’s camera at Christmas, and my new year’s resolutions (along with other things which none of you can know about, ha!) is gonna be to take it with me EVERYWHERE and capture stuff. I’ve changed quite a bit with uni in the respect that I am A LOT more confident. I’m not sure if any of my friends know this (my family do cause they rock!!) but I haaaated meeting new people. And not like generally disliked it, I honestly hated it. I didn’t know how to do it and considering how much I have moved school that is quite a problem. But I always felt that I had met enough people- that I had been forced into the meeting-new-people situation enough times. But not now! I’m one of those people that talk to strangers easily and about everything now and it ROCKS!!! People always look at me with surprise but then generally pleasure as well at being so unexpectedly engaged in a conversation.
Right so the point of that was that I’m gonna take my camera and if I meet a person I really like the look of on the street I’m gonna ask if I can take their picture. Yes I totally am! I’ve thought about it and came to the conclusion that if they ever said ok (pressured by it) I would remedy the following posing awkwardness in the picture by making them talk about love or/and death. What I’m gonna do is say “are you in love?” and if they say yes I’m gonna ask them to think about the little things they like best about the other person. To just imagine them, like how he kisses your jaw-line instead of your cheek, or the way his hand lingers in your hair or the way she really listens instead of just waiting for a turn to speak, the way she hold your hand and brushes her thumb over your skin.
And just as they think about those little things I would snap a picture of their face and it will be wonderful. Can you all please tell me how utterly rockage this idea is? Because it is. Strangers rule. Except the creepy ones which leer. Leering is a big no-no people! Oh but I got a really nice look from a guy in a shop the other day. I went to Tesco with Zoe and I was asking her if she didn’t have like weird OCD things she had to do and she said no and as we were paying I was saying “yeah like me, before I go to bed I have to finish listening to the song that’s on in full, I can’t cut it off or I’ll feel really weird. I won’t go completely off but something inside just...” and I could tell the tesco guy was looking at me so I looked up and he had this really nice...interested and understanding look. So yes, conclusion: strangers are good as long as they are not leering.
ALSO! I saw someone walking down the road naked today! Teenager with his friends at night (no children) so creepiness factor was out. It was very funny because I was just thinking about how I’ve had nightmares about that- you know, walking down the street and then suddenly realising I’m only in my panties. LOL. The guy had a tattoo on his ass. Just in case you wanted to know! Really wished I had my camera though, it was SUCH a facebook moment!
And no, guys, I did not look at his penis. Just cause I know you’re thinking it because you are all perverts.
Also I had to jump down a wall and destroy my knees and feet and knock on Kento’s window at like 2 30 because I had forgotten my keys. Funny though cause I scared the shit out of him. He rocks! I send bloglovewaves to Kento. (He is obviously one of my flat mates, guys).
Woah this is long. It’s because I’m hyper. I love being hyper its a million times better than being drunk. I was hyper at Lucy’s and Val was just pissing herself saying she ‘wanted to see more of this Marina!’ and I realised that I was being quite myself! All loud and jokey and just plain- well you all know what I mean when I get like that. Also in Oceana (which is utter piss! Nicole and I vowed never to go back there unless under obligation. The music was suckage except for the end when we re-entered the disco bit and then it was quite good. They played Queen and I was like FRRREEEDDDIIIEEE and also they played YMCA and I was like CCEECCIILL. Oops am I still in the parenthesis? Closing this now...) As I was saying, in Oceana they were playing ‘ready to rumble’ and I swear I was going crazy, Nicole was like WTF!!!?? Cause I was like RRREEEAADDDYY TOOO RUMMBBLLLEEE.
Lol and this blog has transcended into topics which you guys really don't give a shit about. But it’s seven in the fucking morning oh my god.
ALSO! I went to bed at nine the other day. PM!! Yes my friends, you have heard me right. Burnout. I danced in my room for a bit (I do that a lot. And can freely admit it...obviously. It’s fun! Sex on Fire officially rocks.) and then took a shower and then sat in front of my computer and thought “essay due in two days. Must do.” But...yeah it wasn’t happening, so I went to bed (took me hours to get to sleep but ah wells) then slept really badly (I dream A LOT here. Or, if you’re being pedantic, I remember a lot of dreams here. A lot. A lot a lot. Like, almost every night. It’s confusing. Having a lot of dreams with a black puppy in it. In the last it died and so did my brother and I felt very sick because it was my fault.) and then woke up at seven, having 5 hours until my lecture so that I could spent around 3 on the essay in the morning but of course as it happens, just when I had to get up I suddenly fell asleep with no trouble and slept until nine in the morning. (internal clock wakes me up at 9 30 every day now it sucks.) so yeah I was in bed for 12 hours. Not normal. Not normal at all. And now I have a lab report due on Thursday. Oh but guys! I got a 65 on my last one! Yessssss! I’m so happy about that. Got 48 for my first, then only 52 for my second and then it suddenly jumped to 65 (and 70 is a first so- yay). I did no secondary reading cause I thought it wasn’t necessary for lab reports so all I have to do it that and maybe I will get a first for my next one! Woop!
Why am I still talking? Ok I am stopping now.
Will update later maybe with some music. To make up for these failure of this postage.
I love you all, I really just do.
ALSO!...ok no I should stop now. It’s eight now, got distracted msning with Nicole. I really like her, she would beat scissors every time, she would.
Right, this blog is now longer than what an essay is supposed to be.
That is SICK.
For those who have actually read all of this- you are so much better that those who didn’t. And going back and reading it now is cheating, you already suck.
So HA!
Also I’m gonna do another meme soon. Maybe another 15 things I like because u can never get enough liking. Or Lyle’s uni one.
Oh my God Marina stop typi-

A sort of quiet, questioning song by Kid Harpoon.

This blackboard
Weighs heavy
Board rubbers
Leave scars
Exam board
Inspections
To the drawing board
My son
You need curriculum
Strong discipline
So pull up your socks
Stand tall and breathe in

Why am I not rich?
Why is my back sore?
What made us linear?
What did Grandad die for?
Why are there armies?
And whos on our side?
Where does the sun rise?
And where does it hide?

Back to bed
You're dreaming again
Safety in numbers my friend

Picked from a shelf
Sent on parade
Forty hours weekly
Slave for a way
To pick from a shelf
Send on parade
Children of fortune
Make children of fame

Why is this yours?
Why wasn't it mine?
Why do the clocks keep on ticking off time?
Why are there nightmares?
And who made my shoes?
Why are there children shedding blood on the news?

Back to bed
You're dreaming again
Safety in numbers my friend...

Not mine to dedicate, but I will anyways. To Baby P. Who’s 17 fleeting months of life were composed of bruises and cuts and screaming. An ear semi-detached from the head, a bite wound on the head, the tip of a finger stripped from nail and skin, and a spine broken in three places. And that’s physical pain. The fear, and confusion and horror he must have gone through. Not even a proper name for his existence. Just Baby P.
If there is a God...he must be weeping.

Back to bed...you’re dreaming again

Birds

My Blog comes back to life!
This is my first post in Cardiff. Its dynamic, nocturnal ways have greedily stolen all my time from me, but my fingertips have missed the letters dedicated to this page!
I am so happily tired. Weeks seem to supersound fly by. Clubbing party, film social, then a missed gig because of a lab report that dragged until 1 30 in the morning, and then relaxing in a pub at an open mike night are the kinds of stuff that have decorated the last four days.
But tarara, when have I talked about normal stuff on here? I had some awesome moments in the past week. I didn’t sleep at all on Saturday, and I was in my room at dawn, looking at the fold of clouds and sky let the dawn seep in and I crawled across my desk, sat on my windowsill and watched the birds. My fingers were numb with the sharp, fresh cold of the morning as I blinked at the sky, and just...just sat there and breathed and looked. And the noises of dew and seagulls filled the air as I watched the birds twirl and swoop and dance and just...fly. I was so lulled by the whole moment...as if time had stopped. The worry, the work, the excitement...it didn’t exist. I was just tired and cold and happy.
On Monday, also, I was walking back from the club around midnight (after the music turned crap and Beth and I couldn’t stand it anymore) when it started

Pouring.

Streaming, streaming it down and I just stopped in the middle of the bridge that walks me to my residence and looked down at the rippling road below. The orange, tepid streetlights that illuminated the tarmac made the surface seem to come alive with the water and I just stood there, getting soaking wet and shivering and tipsy in a mini skirt. I can’t remember what I was thinking. Nothing. Or just that the water looked like a million creatures and that it felt good. I probably looked like I was about to jump, however, because out of nowhere a voice said
“Are you ok?” I jerked back, startled out of space, and looked at a short oriental-looking man blinking at me below a plastic hood and I shook my head, saying er, yeah, yep, yeah I’m ok, hehehe. He looked at me for a second and then nodded, leaving. I watched him run through the rain and wondered what song I would be listening to if my MP3 weren’t fucked.
So, you know what, life is really good at the moment. Yeah I miss people, yeah I wish some things were different, yeah I’m worried about some people but...I feel so free. Like this is it, now, like I’m my own person. My own shopping, my room, my life. I handle the stuff I need and decide what I want. And ok that means I’m broke and not doing nearly as much work as I should but, whatever. I’ve met some great people, who I can dance madly with in public places, people who like clubbing, and others who like gigs, and more that like the cinema, and other that like just chilling.
But what’s really good as well is that this place inspires me. I’ve been thinking about the book I want to write and the movies in my head constantly lately. Ok I haven’t actually written anything, I’m busy and tired and...yeah basically I’m just plain lazy but at least it’s in my head again. And I love the voice of my muse. The little creature who randomly narrates stuff that is happening. Mostly the sky, because it’s such a difficult thing to put into words. But I’ve taken to carrying a little book and pencil with me everywhere and when I think of a line or idea I jot it down. Which was funny when I was being attended by a chubby man in Orange and I was in awe about the fact that he had about seven pens attached to his front pocket. As he was attending me I was like “Yeah, ahum, yeah it doesn’t sends texts, yeah,” whilst sketching him with words in my note pad, smiling secretly to myself. I also did that in my head yesterday at the open mike night actually. Wouldn’t it be funny to have a blog about all the little things I notice about people and places I meet, or ever the people in my head? About Alice and her wonderland nightmares. About Jack, the vegetarian with the serial killer’s name. About Copper, who smells salty like the sea. About Charlie who doesn’t know, but understands. About Albert, who’s fingers weave secrets that kill. About the little girl who knows that sometimes, silence hurts more.
I am so ready to just rip a book out of me. And I have all these scenes for a movie. I want it to end with a moment that happened to me in summer. I was floating alone on my back in the pool, looking at the sky spin slowly, framed by trees. I want the main character to die, but the very last scene to be her, young again, a memory, floating on water, and as the camera tilts from her to the tilting sky her voice would softly say,

We all turn into ghosts, eventually.

More

I can’t believe it’s gone from being shyly invited to a Halloween Party by Claire and Rachel to dancing in a car park with Freddie and not being able to let go because I’m gonna miss you all so much. There have been some bad times, some arguments and fall-outs and so much drama it’s a wonder how I’m not an actress, but the truth is that has been such a small fraction of my life for the past four (five?) years that it doesn’t even matter. I’ve have so many incredible memories with all of you guys. Things I can just reach into my mind and call back. And the good thing about our group is that we’re all so different that I can pick things from all over the spectrum, from girly chats and shopping trips to anime marathons to swimming in the sea with our clothes on. And I could list all my love, and all the memories, and why each one of you, my marmite friends, are so, so special, but I’m not going to because the thing with friends is that I know you have that list inside you already. So before I get all teary and stupid I’m just going to say...thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for tolerating my strangeness. Thank you for thinking it’s ok to want to be a water particle, and a snail, for laughing at my craziness and loving me for me. I sit here right now and my mind is taken over by all those good days, by sitting by the gym, most of all, covered in orange pulp and laughing our heads off.
So, guys, it’ll never be the same again. But that by no means signifies that it’s over! You can’t be rid of me, I’m gonna stick around until you’re six feet under. I love all of you and I’m not gonna say good luck, all you need you already have to make it to the top.

So it’s like I say; Friends (like you) are like pissing your pants. Everybody can see it, but only I can feel the warmth!

The World Is Just Awesome

Late late update.
Er...I remember what happened the 9th, cause I meant to write a blog but was too lazy to. The day was nice though we failed to sail again (fate is earthbound and made of jealousy) but sat drinking iced lemonade and laughing. We ate some churros and decided that the Spanish way of life was the best in the world. Lol, which might sound quite patriotic and whatnot but, come on. Sure naps exist all over the world, but which other country has a siesta as part of the culture? Meriendas. Tapas. Late at getting up, late at eating, late at going to sleep....It’s not that we’re lazy. We’re just well rested! XD
Then we threw ourselves into the pool, slid the aforementioned (inflatable) canoe onto the water and had one of those childish wars where everyone is trying to get on the bloody canoe and we’re pushing and pulling and shrieking and tugging and kicking and crying and laughing until I was exhausted. At one point I leaped unto it, slid across the elevated sides and fell off the other edge, almost drowning as I laughed underwater. It’s rare that I feel so comfortable in only my bikini to just wrestle around in it but I wasn’t even thinking about it as we somehow made groups and tried staying on the thing as long as possible.
Later, when we had tired ourselves out (my arms were literally useless after trying to tip the canoe so many times) we got ready and went to the mall again to have some icecream and see Wall-E. It’s really nice to hang out all of us outside the farm. Little Doggy and I had a complete laughing fit though, I can’t remember the last time something like that happened to us. We were some sort of hyper and as we bought ice cream we literally couldn’t stop laughing. At one point I was trying to say ‘this receipt is calculated to perfection’ but I was gasping for air so badly I couldn’t get it out, which just made it funnier. Then we turned suddenly as a kid started crying and saw a small boy with the face half dripping with ice cream, wailing away, and burst out loudly so that even the shop attendants were giggling into costumer’s faces and saying ‘they’re gonna get all of us going, now!”
I can’t pick out much else, with my catfish mind, outside the usual things. A few bad things. But that happens.
Actually, I also spent another week in La Manga which was even better than the last. But what was really cool was the last night, in which I didn’t sleep at all. For no special reason. Sleeping was just a foreign idea; something that I was to do when I fell down exhausted (which I did, heh). But around nine in the morning I just got up, got my music, and it lasted the song ‘They are night zombies!!’ to walk from the house to the beach, which was being ransacked by a strong wind. The sea was crazy, wild, and not in orderly big waves but with fragmented ones that crashed and sucked in and broke and slammed; it was chaos. I threw myself in and it was half frightening, how it toyed with me so easily. At one point I tried to catch a wave on my back because I was too far in but it slammed me down and when I surfaced, another one hit me, and then another one, and though I wasn’t scared I thought ‘I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours, and haven’t eaten in eleven...this might be bad’. But the experience itself was refreshing and special and chaotic and I loved it.
On that week I also dreamt I could fly, which I haven't done in a while.
Above a city in the sea, though at the time it didn’t seem strange. And it felt so good. So natural. As if it was the thing I had been born to do. And it wasn’t one of those typical dreams where you want to fly but can’t, or end up falling. I was just flying, with not wings or contraptions, but tilting my arms out and gliding. Soaring. I think I was on some errand, or flying for the pleasure of it, but I remember a faint thought of not being able to do this before (obviously out of the dream) and getting the feeling of how ridiculous it seemed, to live without this, this feeling, this ability. It almost had the feeling of hearing a good song or watching the mushishi sky, when I don’t know if I’m breathing too much or not enough, and my chest is trying to expand and contract at the same time and it’s as if I’m trying to contain something which is too big for me and I just can’t. Which always reminds me of the film ‘American Beauty’ which kissed the words off my lips. The living for living. The beauty for beauty...
After that there were also a lot of other special moments, and great days, and fucking, fucking awful moments. But a wonderful moment was in the last day, when we all got into my brother’s room and him and Little Doggy played along with the song ‘Zombie’ by the Cranberries which is just....it’s sex, it’s animal, it’s liquid, it’s waves in your ears, and under the skin, and in your bones. I fucking love that song and it was such a great moment, even if it was interrupted once. But the lights went off and the bass was heavy and the guitar that was accompanying acoustic and, ah, I don’t think I have to say more. The people that get this just will.
And also it was the amazing coincidence that after my brother, Little Doggy and I went to the Asiatic restaurant and got in the car, the radio was playing the song. The radio, in Spain, playing a song by the Cranberries. And out of all their songs, Zombie. And starting just when we got in. We were all surprised into a giggling silence.
And then back in Jersey, back to my clan of crazy dudes. Today was great, starting when I woke up at two in the afternoon by Freddie’s call up till right now, good things haven’t stopped happening. Dancing in the car with Freddie and wading knee-deep in the sea and taking pictures and a great sunset.
Today just has two things to say.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmBSwizauLg
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_f98qOGY0

i caught you a delicious bas

Heck yes I got three As! You think I got where I am today because I dress like Peter Pan over there!?

dawn is made of

Olympics and UCAS track refreshings

oh you lazy days

The next update of my summer is here! As promised to Freddie, I’m keeping you all in the loop.
Well, the other day I went to the Go Karts, which was insane. It was me and most of my cousins, my brother and his friends.
I didn’t press the brake once.
I was this crazy monster on the tracks, letting my wheels shriek against the road on the curves and laughing to myself madly inside my helmet. In my first curve I slid sideways from the force of my speed and slammed against a strange and yet, still kept going. I banged against the tires at the side of the road, went off track and at one point I had to push my helmet and glasses down my face because they were being blow away and let go of the wheel completely to do so. Despite all this I ended up first with a whole round ahead in my second race and it was so fun I might possibly be addicted to speed! ;3

Then another day we went to a shopping mall, had a splendidly unhealthy dinner all together, went to see a bad movie which ended at two in the morning (Jersey, eat your heart out) and then goofed around the empty mall by running up the wrong side of the mechanical stairs, getting on a toy merry-go-round and generally being crazy, loud and annoying. That night, big doggy and I went to bed at eight or nine in the morning. She played Okami and I wrote and then she read what I wrote whilst I played Okami. We had a strange breakfast and watched the sunrise with music in our ears. The clouds were giant and drifting towards us so that when I unfocused my eyes and looked at them it was as if some great being were about to tower over us. Monsters, or Gods. A little later I stepped out again and saw the cracks between the clouds glowing orange and I ran to the house, grabbed my camera, and trotted to the water reservoir which is elevated, and I spent long minutes capturing light and wind on film. Philipo the photogenic dog, came with me. I took some photographs of him looking at the horizon as well and went back to Little Doggy with scraped knees but a grin on my face.

The next day I wasn’t all that tired, but lazed about the farm until I went out with Little Doggy to RUN, a fantastic Asiatic restaurant. We both moaned at the Miso Soup and varied sushi and Thai noodles and fried ice cream and sesame and rice balls with ice cream. I’m not gonna be all that surprised if I go back to Jersey having gained a few pounds! We giggled over the Asian waiters (I have a thing for their jaw-lines ;) and watched fireworks and kids running around and climbing trees in the pleasant atmosphere of the plaza where the restaurant was at.

Then, this weeks has been a little of everything...clubbing again, a lot less drunk which was goooooood. Then Christian left, which was sad. Then Wednesday was disaster day, in which some entity beyond us made sure we did not get on the boat. I guess it started with having no bread for sandwiches. And then we got bread, and we didn’t have a second ride. And when we convinced Mum to take the boys to get a canoe, there were no canoes, and their tire went flat. And when we got to the boat we had forgotten the rudder and the keys for the sides. When my uncle and the boys went to see if my aunt had a canoe, they found one in her basement, but my brother got hit in the eye by a chair, they lost the paddles so that they ended up with only one toy one and the canoe had a slight hole in it (though this was noticed later). All this was happening whilst the cousins and I practically burnt to a crisp in some kind of ‘yatch club’ which had no freaking shade available until I ran under an umbrella when some people left whilst my cousins hissed at me not to and to which I responded very loudly “I don’t care! Let them tell me off, I’m dying here”. To top this all off, my uncle came back whilst we were eating a little after three, me having woken up at 11 30 to drive there after going to sleep at around six. In the end something went wrong in the preparation of the boat so that a rope got stuch and we couldn’t go anywhere. And we had to send someone after my brother and Danish who were in a canoe somewhere far into the sea.
In the end I was so tired that I swam a little in the pool, locked myself in my room, read a bit, and then slept until ten at night in the most wonderful way. The farm is practically only place I can nap. Partly because I don’t have homework or studying or anything worrying me, nudging the back of my mind with ‘I should do this’s and “I’m wasting my time with that’s." But it’s also the atmosphere. The crickets. The thin sheets. The way it take me ages to fall asleep but it doesn’t matter, the drifting in and out. I have all the time in the world.
Of course, that meant that I wasn’t tired all night so that I stayed up until seven-eight. Again. But it was fun to lie beside the water reservoir, looking at the stars with Luna the dog by my side, until the skies lightened and the horizon turned pale. I didn’t stay long enough to see the sun actually rising and playing with lights and clouds, but went home and took a shower and went to sleep smiling.

I spent today reading ‘a spot of bother’ mostly. Painting. Blowing bubbles. And then talking to my 13-year-old cousin about how the trials of love are affecting her. Which sounds funnier than I find it. But let’s not get into that.
And now it’s just Tato (my uncle) and Carmen (my cousin) and me in Club Nintendo (a room with all the computers and TV and Wii). Carmen is playing Resident Evil on the Wii, shrieking “Die! Diediediedie! Aaaah!...Is he dead? Eeeek, he’s not dead- Tato, Tato, they won’t die oh my god they’re zombies!” Aaah aaah aaah!” at the screen. And when I ay shrieking I mean shrieking. I’ve seen this game being played by about five different people and she is my far the scariest player out of all of them. And funniest.
She’s killing chickens now...and giggling rather madly. I’m severely disturbed. Aaahaha! She tried killing a cow with her knife (under my suggestion, I have to admit) and it turned around and butted her with her horns. I gasped loudly and she starting wailing that the whole town was crazy. Though in my opinion, Leon is also missing a few screws.

“Your right hand comes off?”

So...yes. Almost worried about results. Hoping to go to Aqualandia. Going to sleep at six. Getting up at one. Pool. Sun.
That’s about it.

Blue Paper Boats

One of the days in La Manga was especially fun.
Despite the fact it started a little slow with four hours of wandering around the house half-starved to death, it all started looking up when Little Doggy arrived home, calling out in Japanese, “I’m home!” to which I replied “Welcome back!”
As she saw me, leaning towards the oven in a little blue skirt, she laughed and happily pointed out how I looked like a wife at work, and said that the funny image made her day.

We went to the beach after lunch, where we spent most of the day. Firstly communing again with the sea, in which we caught waves whilst I said very truthfully, ‘being in the sea makes me want to purr,” which Little Doggy proclaimed the strange phrase of the day.

(Mira Lola, me estoy mojando)

We saw a giant fish surfing and as Little Doggy left to take a nap I stayed, floating easily even though the waves were a little rough by putting the back of my head towards them, tilting and swaying under the blue sky like a boat, peering at the clouds in the distance.
There was a wonderful moment underwater when the sea was pushing me towards the shore and I was swimming deeper in and as I closed my eyes is seemed as if I were moving but going nowhere at all. As if I were suspended, caught in a dream, and, strangely and confusingly I thought ‘Take me with you. No, don’t steal me. No, take me with you,’ And it was especially strange because I really meant it.
We had a little adventure after lying in the sun listening to music for a while as we took a walk with my camera and I photographed whatever we found was interesting, the best of which were two boys sitting crossed legged with even their hands posed in the meditating position and a ball of sand on each of their heads. The Zen Kids. Also, a large man lounging in a hole he had made, who we later found out was their father and looked like a big tanuki.
The day was absolutely filled with bursts of laughter between me and Little Doggy which would scare anyone looking at us, and was topped off with the delicious meal in a Chinese restaurant with an orgasmic fried-ice cream dessert which caused a very...interesting conversation.

Once back in the farm my other cousins, my brother, his friends and I went to another beach which was also loads of fun. At the end I took loads of photographs which turned out great. I may even do another only-photographic post for you guys :3 Some of the other days were a little more turbulent as I seemed to somehow always get hurt/sick but it was always the consequence of having too much fun.

Then there was the Jazz concert, which was amazing. We started on the seats, and technically should have stayed there as it was a sort of stadium/auditorium, but a hippy girl started dancing at the base of the stage and more people went down and in the end the two of my cousins and I that had gone to the concert were dancing to the sound of the low, amazing voices, the great instruments, the mind-blowing combinations. Even a cricket joined the fray, scuttling around in the stage, painted in the blue lights. We laughed and I loved the expressions we could see up close, the way the second jazz singer imitated the guitar with his voice, the way the bassist danced. There was a point when a video cameraman pointed his camera at us and I grinned widely and did the peace sign and I saw him laugh as I turned back to dancing. At the end my feet were killing me but we all had an ear-to-ear grin on our faces.

Despite all the good stuff that’s happening, though, the best thing about this place is that I’ve always got something to look forward to. Go Karts, beach escapades, shopping in the stands, clubbing, cinema, dining out, great walks, and even the lazy days are worth mentioning.
Aaaah, good old summer. What would I do without you?

the easiest place

It’s kind of amazing how much I just fit here. I slip into this style of life as if I had never left. Doing things that link directly to every other summer and making it feel so much like home, I don’t know what else to call it. Made up of little moments that are testimony of why this is the best place on Earth.

Mermaids
As always, as soon as I got the farm, after all the crushing hugs and shouts of greeting and peals of laughter, we threw ourselves into the pool even though it was one in the morning. We attempted to play volleyball which is more like we divided into two on either side of the pool and failed miserably at throwing the ball at each other. Little Doggy’s throw was especially spectacular, explained by the fact that she closed her eyes every time the ball neared her.

Oldschool
We spend the few hours after lunch and the late evening in ‘Club Nintendo’ where we are glued to the computer or connected to the Wii, racing in Mario Kart or battling it out in Super Smash Brothers (Brawl), laughing our heads off as we pause the game and look at our characters frozen in the funniest positions and expressions. It’s especially cool because it isn’t just us kids (that’s what we are, always) but also our uncle ‘El Tato’ who’s porch guards the Nintendo room and is as infantile and fun as any of us.

The Dark Room
I think I would love the process of revealing photographs, because I have far too many good memories in dark rooms. In the farm we have a particular tradition.
Usually its starts with Big Doggy and my brother ‘jamming’, her on the bass, him on the guitar, as we giggle at their songs or lay on the bed listening to them play along to things like System of a Down and Greenday and Kill Bill and Blink. As they run out of songs we turn out the lights- I’m never really sure how it even happens, but at the end of it it’s dark, sight useless in that world- and we are pressed together on the bed, listening to music. To songs that will reach us, that will dig deep inside and silence us and make us farther united, if that’s possible. Pidgeon said ‘We are so close...’ and it’s so true.

Ockham’s razor
Surprisingly, it ins’t t all sunshine and heat over here. It was cloudy and I was pissed off with the sky for betraying me, but it was made worth it. Partly because of the sunsets. The large clouds made the sky a spectacle; letting the sunrays through so that the blue was streaked with beams of light like a photoshopped picture. I took a walk with one of my cousins to pick flowers in one of the greenhouses and couldn’t stop staring above.
And then there was last night, which was amazing. It was dark and overhead it was saturated with clouds but there was thunder in the air, lighting up pieces up of the sky. My mouth opened and eyes widened as flashes flickered the world white and visible and then turned the lights out. I took my MP3 and sat on a swing, one of those long-limbed ones that hang from massive trees, and listened to my songs as it started to rain. Not the measly Jersey rain, but summer rain. Thick and sudden and soaking me through in mere seconds. The wind was making everything sway, even me, and veins of light were appearing in the clouds in tempo with the flashes. Two of my cousins curled up in a hammock beside me and if it had been almost anybody else it would have bothered me, for them to interrupt that moment, when everything was crazy and alive and singing. But it didn’t, not even when my little cousin jumped around with a towel on his back saying ‘superman!!!’
I let myself shiver wetly, closing my eyes and the rain stream down on my face and the wind swing me and the music blare and it was perfect. It was as if we were part of something...not bigger than us, but at the same time as if it were everything there is in the simplest way.
Sometimes Ockham’s razor cuts things just right.

Over here I’m just me. Stripped down bare. The first night in the pool my mum attempted to start the game off my throwing the ball in the air and hitting it, but she missed ridiculously and we all burst out laughing and I laughed hard, the sound transforming into something from my stomach instead of just lungs so that I was cackling and all my cousins giggled, saying ‘the witch the witch!’ and it’s not that I’m less me anywhere else, or that I laugh less or have less fun in Jersey, but I realized in that moment that I hadn’t laughed like that in ages because, maybe there’s something in the air, in the trees, in the crickets and the frogs and the wind, but I can just let go here.
And it’s the best feeling ever.

On Sunday I’m off to La Manga and from Wednesday I’m living alone with Little Doggy for three weeks. I have no doubt we have many adventures in store for us and will keep you guys updated with my seasalt and laid-back world.

Always

See you all in a few weeks. I’m just a pond away,

and you all know how to swim.

I spy with my little eye, things that start with '?'

I'm so glad summer is finally here. All gentle and calm. A little strange inside, and unsettled, but Coldplay couldn't have timed their release better, in my opinion. because 'just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost', and 'No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end; I don't wanna cycle, recycle revenge; I don't wanna follow death and all his friends' and 'tonight we're going to run, dreaming of the Osaka sun' and all the other good lines that make me smile even if they're a little sad just fit perfectly with the change.I've been a 'school sucks' girl all my life, so even though it's sad leaving all this behind...hey, it's summer, baby.

I'm free.

But onto new things. I've been collecting those random questions the Blog profile can generate, which I mentioned one post down. And ’cause I’m so terribly fond of memes I thought I’d start ANOTHER one. Only this time it’s all to do with your imagination and randomness and just a bit of fun. I’m gonna post the list of questions and ask that you answer them yourself in your own blogpost, even if it’s just one or some of them. If you don’t have a blog, post them in the reply! I’ll wait a day to see if anybody takes up the challenge and even if you don’t, I’ll be posting my already written answers in black under the questions tomorrow, so that you can only see the if you highlight the post.
I’m just smart like that. (and modest too!)
I’ll wait a day because if it were me I would give in to the temptation, read the answers straight away and then just not post my own out of laziness or scared of being influenced by them.
Right, here they are! Tee-hee.

Question: For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:

Answer: Yo auntie,
Thanks for the rooster. I know it's supposed to be a maple dispenser but it looked so lonely just sitting there, unused and crying thick dollops of syrup, so I filled it with bird food and put it in the garden to make friends. I’m not sure, but I think it was smiling the other day.
Thanks again,
You favourite niece, Marina

Question: If there isn’t an ‘I’ in team, then why is there a ‘me’?

Answer: Because there isn’t an ‘I’ in ‘me’ either you moron.

Question: You've been entered in a shadow puppet contest. What's your best pose?

Answer: The classic ‘that bitch started it’ pose. Profile, pointing at ‘that bitch’

Question: If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?

Answer: Nipple Twist!

Question: Never mind the turtle. Don't you think you're sure to win?

Answer: Don’t ever ‘never mind’ the turtle. That is your first mistake, grasshopper.

Question: Whoops! Your tongue is now a magnet. Whatever will you use for silverware?

Answer: My tongue is a magnet? *leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer*

Question: When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?

Answer: What is with these questions? That just sounds like a metaphor for orgasm to me *shrug*

Question: What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?

Answer: About Madam Widow and her mourning, cannibalistic eyes. The way she twisted around people, sinking fangs that numbed.
Always thinking of someone else.

Question: Come up with some possible band names for your group that features a washboard and a styrofoam tuba.

Answer: ‘Wives with Knives’. ‘People to Recycle’. ‘Laundry Day’. ‘Going Native’

Question: Unlike a dog, how can a turtle ever be naked?
Answer: Dunno, give it to Freddie saying it’s a drum, and you'll get musical porn.

Question: You forgot your mom's birthday! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?

Answer: A fabulous sculptural masterpiece depicting a daughter hugging her mother, with the caption, ‘love from olive hearts’.

Question: Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?

Answer: Mockingbird FM on the Organic Channel. (Do mockingbirds sing fossil songs of extinct birds?)

Question: What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?

Answer: An old-hag disguise, eating the occasional kid or two.

Question: You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.
Answer: Well, I would hypnotise the goat with the slinky by talking to it slowly whilst shifting the toy from hand to hand in that terribly addictive manner, and convince it into being a bird. When it starts flying upwards I would hook the slinky to its horn and let it pull me to safety, making sure to leave the girl from the ring well behind after kicking her repeatedly in the face.

Question: What's the most amount of sand you've ever had in your swimming trunks?

Answer: The fucking Sahara, and then some.

Question: What spells can you cast with magic markers?
Answer: The spell of words of which’s ink bleeds into hearts. Or, you know, the magic of stabbing you in the eye with the end of the marker.
Whatever.

Question: Your hands have been replaced by rubber stamps. What do they say?

Answer: (R)EPIC-(L)FAIL! So I can proclaim things epic, fail, or epic fail! Ahaha!

Question: What reason do you have to believe the earth is flat?

Answer: I’m never upside down. And Terry Pratchett says so.

Question: Your pyjamas have duckies on them. Why did you switch from choo-choos?
Answer: The smoke of the trains got into the lungs of my dreams and I needed lakes and clouds in my sleep.

I think I speak for most of the student community when I say...

I FUCKING HATE REVISING!!!!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!!

UUuurgGGhhh...I can feel my life seeping away slowly...quote by quote, study by study.

17th of June...thee art mine love! Forward goeth time, yet enchanted by the tortures of misery and boredom. But let thee not rest until summer meets a final leap into mine arms.
...Or someshit like that.
Wazever man...I’ve gone insane.
More, I mean.
Deliver me, Ludwig Van Beethoven, from a piteous end at the hands of studying.
Amen?...or has cheezburger?

Minds of Cardboard

It was about two years ago, I think, when this metaphor came to mind. And I’m blogging this for me really. As a record of sorts and maybe being conceited enough to suppose that this can help some people. Not really because I expect it to be news but because sometimes when it’s written down it’s just easier to understand. Also, I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but for the purpose of setting it all out in a way I like, I’m joining it in one blogpost.
People are animals. Some of you are going ‘duh’ but it’s not so duh. Look around you. Do you live like every other animal does? Think about all the things humans do and have done. The kettle. The wars. The governments and lies and festivals and nail polish removers and mascara and scissors and engines and round CDs which can produce music and little pen drives which carry secrets and words. We are fucking amazing. It’s hard to grasp that computers don’t simply exist, but that they evolved from the minds of creatures who used to hunt Mammoths with stone spears. That we have a periodic table and that we dye our hair.
But still...we are animals. And animals need so survive, and that’s what most of us aim for. And what is one of the basic rules of survival? Knowing when to fight or flee. Knowing when something is a friend or a foe. But of course, we are pretty pathetic in the sensing department. We can’t see properly most of the time, we can’t smell for shit, and our nails and teeth couldn’t kill a puppy. So we have devised another mechanism of differentiation; judging humans on human standards. When we meet someone we can’t help but have to classify them. It is a necessity of survival. And we may think we are very complex, and we do have more classifications, but we still have them as rigid as any other animal.
This I call ‘boxes’.
To put simple examples, there are common labels like ‘chav’, ‘goth’, ‘geek’, ‘gay’, ‘preppy’, ‘teacher’, ‘student’, ‘emo’...the list is endless. We have all done it, we all do it. I can’t tell you the amount of times my friends have played that stupid ‘chav game’ which I hate. I remember a person once asked Rachel if she hung out in cemeteries because she liked gothic clothes and rock music. O_o
But we always have to make things more complicated because if we just stuck people in boxes and left them there, the act wouldn’t be so dangerous. But the fact is that every box is heavy and burdened by strings- the strings of rules and regulations. Of expectations, or rumours, or standards.
To make an example, the first time I thought this up was when a girl told me she had made out with another girl several times. A natural reaction, I think, would be to classify the person as a lesbian or at least bisexual. You would think that at least technically that’s just what it would be. And homosexuality may not seem as outrageous because of TV and media today but it still really is. If you were homosexual and came out in your school, and everybody knew it, would it be the same, really? Do you think people wouldn’t talk about you or bully you at all? They would, because kissing someone of the same sex has the box named ‘homosexual’ and homosexual has the strings of; forbidden, against the church, against reproduction, supposedly the cause of Aids, etc. etc. Or maybe just because Bandura was right and we only learn through models.
But the fact with my case was that that particular friend simply loved the other same-sexed friend so much that she felt comfortable doing it. She didn’t find the thought of female bodies attractive or appealing. It was just one particular type of love.
With this I’m trying to show how commonly, and I’m no exception to the rule really, people put one person in one specific box and that’s it. That’s what they are. They are no longer ‘Tony the human.’ They are ‘Tony the emo’ or ‘Tony the rocker’ or even ‘Tony the bitch’. When you meet someone and you think they are mean, how do you know they’re not having a bad day, or are trying to protect themselves, or one of the other million reasons people have to lash out? When people say ‘oh I hate chavs’, or ‘oh I hate teachers’, do they realise what they are saying? Hate is a strong word and to classify a whole range of people with so many other traits, stuff them in one box, and hate them all...it’s ridiculous.
Let’s make this a little harder. What if two brothers loved each other in an ‘unconventional’ way and had sex? I made them both of the same sex so the excuse of deformed babies cannot come up. Now, how do you feel about it? And why do you feel that way? What are the reasons? OR a 43 year old woman that loves (in an unconventional way) a ten year old boy. Now, she does not touch this little boy. I believe love is wanting to protect that other person until you are willing to risk anything for them. What if this woman loved the boy but only protects him? Is that love wrong despite the fact that she is, in her mind, a paedophile? And if so (and I’m not taking sides) how so?
For me, ultimate wisdom would be to accept people as complete individuals. To drop all the boxes. All of them. If a teacher and a student hang out- nobody would think of it twice until initiative to do so because it would be two humans hanging out. If two girls kiss, it will be natural because it will be two humans kissing. If a person loves another person it would be good, because love is good- and lust is a completely different matter. Muslims are not terrorists, German are not Nazis, people who dress in black aren’t depressed Goths, emotionally unstable people don’t always resort to cutting themselves. And on and on and on.
So the next time you meet someone, try to keep an open mind. This is a person. Not a box. They act the way they do because of certain reasons which you don’t know about, and should therefore nor assume the results of. Before judging someone, know them. Not just the first layer.
I know it’s easier said than done, and that the boxes are there for a reason...but give your cardboard mind a rest from time to time. Maybe this will give you the chance to see how special some people can really be.

Treasure ahoy!

I was doing everything possible to not revise and discovered the ‘random question’ choice in the blog profile. I’ve fallen in love with its robotic questionings. It’s so fun. It just gives you a- you’ve guessed it- random question and you can put an answer to it. I’ll do one every day!

...Until I forget, or my capricious love abandons its ugly font, its mechanical ways, or how it never gives me any answers of its own.

So, blahblahBLAHblahbah.
That’s all I have to say about that.
(...sigh...i guess I’ll go do some revision now...never mind its 2:20...fuckyours)

Excuse me, miss, why is there a hole in your chest?

So the last day of school has come and gone and we are racing towards exams, summer rolling out in hills after that and then in the impossible horizon lies university, without you guys.
I’m going to miss you all so much.
The old old lunches, the orange game, the singing in town, the penis aerobics, the walks on the beach, the swimming with clothes, the cock porn, the sweat and hotty, the coolness, the isis and booksbooks, the hugs, the yaoi, the badges, the t-shirts which people don’t get, the giggling in English, the laughing at Mr Magallo, the kisses with fingers on mouths, the crying at the bottom of hills, the hallucinations, the confessions, the music, the drama, the life, the mama wheels, the grand piano in the church, the skirt lengths, the ginger, the not ginger, the maka, the screaming, the punching games, the new year’s resolutions, the winning, the losing, the frigging hagerious, the prince of England, the lesbian filled castle, the dungarees, the whips and chains, the photogenic, the not so photogenic, the sushi, the car rides, the singing out of windows, the 40 40, the groping whilst film-watching, the dancing in rooms, the gigs, the parties, the videos, the lip singing, the nick-names, the bitches, the stupid laugh, the killing of babies-turned-into-hamsters, the meaning of life, the mouth popping sounds, the llama, the kronk, the farts that are ‘gonna smell really bad by the way’, the pancakes with ice cream, the banana and strawberry milkshakes, the obsessions, the harry puppet pals’ bother, the pile-ons, the stupid German tests, the skipping down the hill, the dog ears, the back fetish talks, the hill man, Da Whale as the ultimate penis, the loudest laughs, the cackles, the doodles, the holes in the sand, the echoes in the piano, the clashing shoes, the million minute hug, the ‘give me a word’, the hand squeezing, the palm-reading, the marching to RS. The good times, the bad times and all the other times that are over but I’m thankful happened.
But an ending doesn’t always mean a goodbye so for now I’ll say; See yah later, everyone.

OMG a hug! Quick, children, cover your eyes!!

[Insert stupid and dramatic news music here]

In other news, there has been a spotting of a strange event in Beaulieu Convent School. Marina and Freddie were seen hugging each other for an amount of time exceeding legal limits on school ground. There was no proof of clothe removal or groping but officials maintain that the strange event must have some ulterior motive, possibly connected to an alien attack or the fact that Voldemort is going to kill us all. Never mind that he died at the end of book seven.
Marina, one of the participants in the unlawful event, was seen throwing spit-balloons at the press and exclaiming,

“You people make me sad.
Bloody hell. Haven't you never seen two upright, pink, monkey-like creatures latch on and squeez each other for an extended period of time before?!?!?!?! IT’S CALLED A
H
U
G
HUG.
SHEESH
Get a best friend or something, losers!”
...
Right.
Next, a 5-year-old child was seen laughing in public and will be sued for causing disease, also known as ‘spreading the love’.

That time I insisted the electricity was in the oranges

I was walking through the primary school playground as I left for home today and saw two kids shredding leaves and making different coloured piles, setting them up nicely and childishly, and it just took me straight back to when I was little. Even though it doesn’t feel like it at all, I’m now, technically, an adult. Inside me my memories are affected by the strangeness of time, making them seem as if their events happened either a million years ago or just yesterday when summers were chock-full of playing without a single care in the world. My cousins and I are really close- I couldn’t possibly love them more- and that’s rooted in those many summers we spent together. Summers when we would play ‘Pokemon’, ruining our knees by crawling about, collecting rocks as ‘eggs’ which we stole off each other. Months when we would settle in one particular path of the farm which was framed by trees and made ‘houses’ under particular ones, creating our own little ‘mud village’ which consisted in trotting down the hill to where there were rows and rows of upturned earth where watermelons were planted. We would sieve the dirt, making mud out of it, each choosing a job which consisted of using the mud to make something you could sell to each other. Mine was usually animal accessories (such as little sofas, beds, toys, food), Sara being the most artistic out of all of us and making mud animal (some of which I still have). In the later years Paloma was always the banker, making round drops of money and lending it out to us in order to keep the economy going. As our adults napped after lunch we would either play that or sit on the grass, gameboy in hand, painstakingly connected to each other and racing on Mario kart, the only game I was ever any good at.
We would also have epic games of adventure, each choosing a character (I was always a water witch called Luna, ahaha) and go around the farm with a long list of self-made spells and stories, battling demons and monsters such the ash dragon, personified by a mound of burnt trees and leaves, or Bobby the Vicious, a chained dog which was pretty scary with anybody except me. He died of sunstroke years ago...
In La Manga Laura, Guille and I would be horrible troublemakers, running about harassing the Indian restaurant downstairs by throwing water balloons from the balcony, sticking up ‘CLOSED’ sings on the door as well as crudely drawn pictures of a hand with the middle finger lifted and insulting (this would be the wittiest and funniest thing since farts were invented). We would go about the streets in the evening, pretending to be spies and hiding from everybody, following strangers in an overly dramatic way. I remember this one time, playing some spy or magical game when I pretended to break or infect my leg on the side of the beach and sent Laura to collect some ‘medicinal herbs’ to cure me. As she went off and I moaned in pseudo pain on the floor this gigantic grasshopper flew towards me. My first instinct was to get up and flee the scene immediately but, of course, by leg was infected with some mysterious disease...so I stayed put, staring at the mutant bug in horror and awe until it was frightened away. And when my cousin ran back having dropped the plants, I sent her right back, even though she had to trudged through thorns and nettles because, damn it, I was going to die if she didn’t do something about it!
Not to mention the dramas we made up with our teddies as characters, full of the adult themes of love, deception and death. Or all those lies my bratty, bossy self made up to freak Laura out, such as the one time I convinced her that I was a vampire and would go and kill her mum at night if she didn’t do what I said. AHAHAHA....ah...good times.

I love how annoying and innocent and just childish children are. I left the school playground smiling after an amusing conversation;
“Marina!” a kid called Lauren from Brownies ran towards me, smiling and stopping a few steps away almost shyly. I grinned at her and we exchanged hellos as Grace, another girl from Brownies, ambled up to me with a semi-quiet 'hello Ladybird!'. I smiled at both of them and then Lauren said,
“Is that your I-pod?” pointing at the thing in my hand.
“It’s an MP3 but yeah,” I said, adding the technicality to make conversation.
“Nice I-pod!” she enthused and I laughed at her obvious dismissal to my correction.
“What song are you listening to?” she persisted.
“er..” I squinted at the screen, invisible in the sunlight, “Lady by Regina Spektor.”
She stared at me.
“Weirdo...” she drawled and trotted away. All I could think to do was laugh as Grace shyly shrugged and a teacher smiled at us, nevertheless inching in our direction suspiciously as if I was gonna kidnap the girl or something. Thinking back on it I began laughing as I climbed the hill, only stopping when I realised I would look like a right nutter if anybody saw me giggling alone to myself...
God, I hope I never forget those days, the ones Grace and Lauren are living now. Fuck uni, those have to be the best years of my life. The mooning through car windows, the farts on matches, the riding pillows, the pissing from balconies, the climbing fences and chasing dogs and petty arguments and hysterical laughs....how can you beat that?
You just can’t.

Six

1. Introductions

It was Roger who showed me the haunted house the day Pirates of the Caribbean Two came out, standing sad and creaking beside the harbour. And even when she left I didn’t pause for a second, sitting at its steps and watching it banish ghosts from Sundays past, letting the victorious pirate queen emerge at last.

2. Stethoscopes

I held your hand as you said, ‘Enough is Enough.’ Our palms were sweaty and I had to fight against squeezing so hard it would hurt because I had never seen someone jump off a cliff so bravely, Bird Girl.

3. Kid

They said you had no natural talent, no grace and no speed. But you were something better, weren’t you, kid? You were the thrumming strength of will which ignores shattered bones and ripped hearts until the breathless life of forcing yourself forwards results in another deserving win. Another race. Another chance. Another life.

4. Treasures

We know these are the things that last forever. The first dance to Radio Gaga in lowlights and clapping hands. I remembered your surprised expression in the reflection of the mirror, and only later realised why. The smell of incense, the taste of salt. All the hugs that come in pairs. Even if I’m seven seas away I’ll hide myself on a sunny spot inside your mind, watching the music and the rain through distorted eyes.

5. Liquids

We both crawled out of water, you know, a million years ago. Mine tasted of seaweed and yours of chlorine and they were both delicious. We know how to melt away into water particles and when it rains we smile, smile into the puddles and clouds and streaked windows and feel so alive we might die any moment.

6. Chemistry

I don’t think we’re made for each other. I don’t think we fit perfectly like a puzzle. I think we found each other. I think we agreed to make things work. The way you love school and winter and I live for weekends and August. The way your childhood is a scar and mine is a golden nugget. The way things are unfair but just are anyways. The way we both create. The way we love. The way you fight. The way I wait. The way we laugh and hug and are.
It will all work out in the end.
And maybe the fact that I Love You has something to do with it.