OMG a hug! Quick, children, cover your eyes!!

[Insert stupid and dramatic news music here]

In other news, there has been a spotting of a strange event in Beaulieu Convent School. Marina and Freddie were seen hugging each other for an amount of time exceeding legal limits on school ground. There was no proof of clothe removal or groping but officials maintain that the strange event must have some ulterior motive, possibly connected to an alien attack or the fact that Voldemort is going to kill us all. Never mind that he died at the end of book seven.
Marina, one of the participants in the unlawful event, was seen throwing spit-balloons at the press and exclaiming,

“You people make me sad.
Bloody hell. Haven't you never seen two upright, pink, monkey-like creatures latch on and squeez each other for an extended period of time before?!?!?!?! IT’S CALLED A
H
U
G
HUG.
SHEESH
Get a best friend or something, losers!”
...
Right.
Next, a 5-year-old child was seen laughing in public and will be sued for causing disease, also known as ‘spreading the love’.