I spy with my little eye, things that start with '?'

I'm so glad summer is finally here. All gentle and calm. A little strange inside, and unsettled, but Coldplay couldn't have timed their release better, in my opinion. because 'just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost', and 'No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end; I don't wanna cycle, recycle revenge; I don't wanna follow death and all his friends' and 'tonight we're going to run, dreaming of the Osaka sun' and all the other good lines that make me smile even if they're a little sad just fit perfectly with the change.I've been a 'school sucks' girl all my life, so even though it's sad leaving all this behind...hey, it's summer, baby.

I'm free.

But onto new things. I've been collecting those random questions the Blog profile can generate, which I mentioned one post down. And ’cause I’m so terribly fond of memes I thought I’d start ANOTHER one. Only this time it’s all to do with your imagination and randomness and just a bit of fun. I’m gonna post the list of questions and ask that you answer them yourself in your own blogpost, even if it’s just one or some of them. If you don’t have a blog, post them in the reply! I’ll wait a day to see if anybody takes up the challenge and even if you don’t, I’ll be posting my already written answers in black under the questions tomorrow, so that you can only see the if you highlight the post.
I’m just smart like that. (and modest too!)
I’ll wait a day because if it were me I would give in to the temptation, read the answers straight away and then just not post my own out of laziness or scared of being influenced by them.
Right, here they are! Tee-hee.

Question: For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:

Answer: Yo auntie,
Thanks for the rooster. I know it's supposed to be a maple dispenser but it looked so lonely just sitting there, unused and crying thick dollops of syrup, so I filled it with bird food and put it in the garden to make friends. I’m not sure, but I think it was smiling the other day.
Thanks again,
You favourite niece, Marina

Question: If there isn’t an ‘I’ in team, then why is there a ‘me’?

Answer: Because there isn’t an ‘I’ in ‘me’ either you moron.

Question: You've been entered in a shadow puppet contest. What's your best pose?

Answer: The classic ‘that bitch started it’ pose. Profile, pointing at ‘that bitch’

Question: If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?

Answer: Nipple Twist!

Question: Never mind the turtle. Don't you think you're sure to win?

Answer: Don’t ever ‘never mind’ the turtle. That is your first mistake, grasshopper.

Question: Whoops! Your tongue is now a magnet. Whatever will you use for silverware?

Answer: My tongue is a magnet? *leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer*

Question: When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?

Answer: What is with these questions? That just sounds like a metaphor for orgasm to me *shrug*

Question: What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?

Answer: About Madam Widow and her mourning, cannibalistic eyes. The way she twisted around people, sinking fangs that numbed.
Always thinking of someone else.

Question: Come up with some possible band names for your group that features a washboard and a styrofoam tuba.

Answer: ‘Wives with Knives’. ‘People to Recycle’. ‘Laundry Day’. ‘Going Native’

Question: Unlike a dog, how can a turtle ever be naked?
Answer: Dunno, give it to Freddie saying it’s a drum, and you'll get musical porn.

Question: You forgot your mom's birthday! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?

Answer: A fabulous sculptural masterpiece depicting a daughter hugging her mother, with the caption, ‘love from olive hearts’.

Question: Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?

Answer: Mockingbird FM on the Organic Channel. (Do mockingbirds sing fossil songs of extinct birds?)

Question: What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?

Answer: An old-hag disguise, eating the occasional kid or two.

Question: You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.
Answer: Well, I would hypnotise the goat with the slinky by talking to it slowly whilst shifting the toy from hand to hand in that terribly addictive manner, and convince it into being a bird. When it starts flying upwards I would hook the slinky to its horn and let it pull me to safety, making sure to leave the girl from the ring well behind after kicking her repeatedly in the face.

Question: What's the most amount of sand you've ever had in your swimming trunks?

Answer: The fucking Sahara, and then some.

Question: What spells can you cast with magic markers?
Answer: The spell of words of which’s ink bleeds into hearts. Or, you know, the magic of stabbing you in the eye with the end of the marker.
Whatever.

Question: Your hands have been replaced by rubber stamps. What do they say?

Answer: (R)EPIC-(L)FAIL! So I can proclaim things epic, fail, or epic fail! Ahaha!

Question: What reason do you have to believe the earth is flat?

Answer: I’m never upside down. And Terry Pratchett says so.

Question: Your pyjamas have duckies on them. Why did you switch from choo-choos?
Answer: The smoke of the trains got into the lungs of my dreams and I needed lakes and clouds in my sleep.