time is contagious

Helluh!
I am cold! Because when I said I didn’t have internet what I ACTUALLY meant was that I didn’t have internet in the house and actually preferred going without it than being outside club Nintendo whilst freezing my ass off. But I’m out here with my Sister so she can see Hellsing and skimmed through the blogs and saw Lyle’s and obviously had to write one of my own cause his was rockage. And not just cause he mentioned me ;)
Christmas Eve was strange this year. People missing and stuff...in more ways than one. No Christmas Miracle for this family, not even close, but we can manage without it. Here comes a new year guys, this one is going to be better, cause we’re gonna make it better.
Tomorrow is the super cool Bas tradition to go swimming in the sea the last day of the year! You have to go underwater 3 times minimum to make it count. It’s always my brother, little doggy, me, my uncle, my dad and the ghost of my aunt and her silver scar in the headache cold water. My mum sits on the shore, looking at us, half amused and half as if she thinks we are totally insane.
Which we are.
And it is always so much damn fun. I’ve never given a metaphor to the act (like cleansing ourselves, hehe sounds too pure) and don’t really want to. It’s just...what it is. A piece of good luck, maybe, to last another twelve months. And if it doesn’t work then, oh well, let the salt taste better next time.
But yes, I have officially stolen my Dad’s camera and have taken quite a lot of pictures. I’ll put them up on facebook just because it’s so damn easy to upload them there though I should get a new place to do that. The first day we were here we all (Sara,Paloma,Guille,Laura,Me,thedogs) went to a field opposite the farm and ran and jumped and crazed about like the wild animals we are. The sunlight was everywhere, everywhere; on the leaves and melting across the horizon and in our eyes. And it was so funny when we all perched on a tree and started humming the Zelda theme tune and laughed about how we had grown up and still we were climbing trees and singing about elves and adventures.
And it’s nice when you can say some things never change and actually mean it.
At night we totally geeked out by playing Mario Kart using the Miis of Harry Potter and Voldemort we had created last summer. Though the best was using them in Wii tennis and watching Voldemort’s psycho smile.
And yesterday we had another blow-me-away moment. We all sat outside where the internet could reach us, sat in the cold, in the shadows. Huddled into ourselves as Sara showed us a song which was...raw. I listened to it, looking at the stormy night sky and oh my God what a song. Not something to just listen to whilst walking or working, no way. This song was explosive. When it finished there was a pause of silence and we said what we thought, calmly, because Sara had put herself on the line by showing us something that had impacted her so much (she cried the first time she heard it). And I closed my eyes and said something like,
“It’s like...” my voice shuddered over the silence, “as if the song is everything that is past, as if it comes from somewhere that has seen everything humans have done and can do nothing but cry. It...It sounds like the sound the earth would make after it witnesses a war. Not the violent sounds of the actual war but...In the Battle of the Somme. It sounds like the crying echo the land where it took place would leave behind if we could listen to it.”
And it was the greatest sensation to have Sara look at me and say “That’s just it. Like the earth, its the earth this song comes from. I had felt it, but didn’t know how to put it into words. That was perfect.”
Ah the Shiver feeling. When you know something is so much bigger than you and at the same time....a mere detail.
But yeah, I’m not actually going to say what song it is cause...showing it would be like showing a piece of myself because...when something makes such an impact on you it’s like it melts into you, becomes part of the person you are slowly creating. And so throughout life you are slowly picking pieces up, fitting them together, until you are some sort of strange abstract art. Beautiful and incomprehensible at the same time.
Anyway! This new year is going to rock. I shall tell you a secret and say something in me is afraid when I say that too loudly (touchwood) but I don’t care! Make your own happiness, I say.
Well, the first month of the year is going to start off with (let’s ignore the exams, my friends!) seeing Edward Scissorhands onstage! Fuck yes! Then getting a fucking job and savingsavingsaving. Having super lots of fun i school time despite that and then in June going to Glastonbury. Then having an amazingly long and fantastic Summer and in it Sara, Little Doggy, my brother and yours truly are gonna pack a couple of sleeping bags, the camera, some tinned food, some music, fit it all in a car and just leave. Just us four and whatever we want. We are gonna rough it and be as fucking crazy as possible. Sneak into hotel’s or residence’s pools to shower. Scavenging food or playing (guitar) for money. Stealing vegetables from fields and seeing the sights. Not really planned, not knowing what the fuck is going on. We are going to get lost and wilder and tired until our laughs turn hysterical and not care.
Because you know guys, the only thing I truly truly want to be in this life is a person that DOES. I plan to move around the world, to not settle for ‘comfortable’ or ‘stable’. I will always remember when Mrs Wilson told me that she was unhappy in Jersey. Too small, too boring, students everywhere. And I said “then just leave”. And she smiled and said, “it’s not that easy.”
But I never said it was easy. What I’m saying is it’s worth it. You have a family and a job and- so what!? Is that what life is about? Working and reproducing and getting trapped. No way, man.
And I can tell that when I say these things I just sound like a teenager talking dreams but...I don’t care! Hehe, I don’t care. As Lyle hopes, I’m gonna write a fucking book and make a movie and transmit all these ideas into pages and scenes and characters and I’m going to see my name on a hardback front and cry.
And its going to be wonderful.
And yay I’ve had enough motivation to write over here in Spain! Sara showed me the band ‘Explosions in the Sky’, from a new genre of music called post-modern rock and oh my god. Pure inspiration. I put the music on to study and as it started my trembling fingers had to leave the faulty numbers of statistics and write The Worst of This. It was great. 8 pages so far! Haha it’s truly pathetic how slow I write. Oh well! Slow and steady wins the game. I’ve outlined some characters which I love to do. It has an odd sense of intimacy, playing god. Scratching out the hopes and flaws and history of a person only you know.
Haha, I really don’t know what I would do without being able to write!
But yes. Also! Hehe I wasn’t sure if to tell you this since it’s personal in a strange way, but I don’t think anybody reads this blog beyond those trustworthy and I think when I tell you you’re all gonna sweatdrop and think ‘that is so Marina’. But yes, What I’m gonna do next year is that every week I’m gonna collect the names of a couple of dead people. In the newspaper of from the cemetery or anything. And for each of those people I’m going to do something. Anything. Whistle a song on the street or smile at a stranger or draw a chalk drawing on a wall. Something small, as fleeting as that person was but it will be something. Something so that for that moment the person is living on, past the breathless constraints of death. :)
And I’m gonna say now that the actual idea was not mine. A fictional character did something similar in I don’t know what story and I though “That’s awesome” and since I’m a person that does then here I go! I can even write a simple blog about it! What do you guys think? Chachacha!
Heh, and one more thing, I’m gonna leave this game with you guys. Mainly it’s for Lyle cause I think he’s the only person with the possibility of liking it but I’m putting it up here in case someone else does. It’s about physics and stuff and I will declare you officially smart if you complete it alone.
Okay then. Just some music and great philosophical questions to wrap this up.
Can Zombies have fun?
Why is Guitar Hero so fucking entertaining to watch?
Can Dinosaurs sing?
Why doesn’t princess peach just get an alarm system or something?
Actually, I’m also gonna give you this. It’s my favourite anime and although I know that’s not anybody’s thing I really do recommend it. Very different from other animes and lovely in order to just calmly pass the time.

Right, I’m going to stop now.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :(

I know you all prefer it when I write happy blogs but I just have to say:

Some people are sick in the head.

Is it supposed to be some sort of irony that this was posted the 11th of sept?

I'm so angry right now I don't know what to write. urgh.

this is pure rant

Hey everybody!
Was just watching ‘five awesome guys’, which is strange cause I don’t usually go on youtube if it’s not for music but now that I think about it it stemmed from music-watching. Also, fell in love with this conductor. I was amazed by him, I got tingles all over my body. It was magic, it literally way. The look of awe on his face, of pleasure, the way he conducted with his whole body, his whole expression.
But back to the point: five awesome guys. Are awesome. Loved the idea of 5 strangers just posting a video one day a week each (mon-fri, get it?) and just getting to know each other really well in a short period of time and they were talking about how friends online are made really quickly really intimately because you can get to know them first. You can read their blog and see their youtube videos and it’s different from the real world. And sometimes that annoys me, because it seems cowardly, to say things between screens and not face to face. To not be able to just be strange and sudden and intimate with strangers. Actually, I’m just generally disgruntled with the real world at the moment. And I hate going emo on you guys but it seriously is just pissing me off. And what else am I going to talk about but acceptance? Ok I’ve started ranting now, I can’t stop:
What is the deal with not accepting people that are different than them? The more I think about it the more it seems utterly ridiculous to me. Are different people frightening? No. You know what it is? It just came to me- it’s about barriers. When differences occur, people either perceive or build barriers out of those differences. For example, today Steph went with us to Lucy’s flat for Lucy’s birthday party but didn’t want to go to Oceana (club) because she just didn’t feel like it. And she was insisting on the fact that she was shattered, and she looked obviously uncomfortable when people persisted otherwise but still most of the gang was like ‘come on steph, come on, you’ll enjoy yourself in the end’. And ok I get it; she’s our friend, we want to spend time with her but...peer pressuring her into going out when she clearly doesn’t want to is not the way to be a good friend. And if, for example, steph continued to not want to go out clubbing then instead of getting around it by going to cafes or to the cinema or talking in lectures and over msn, people would decide that the barrier of her not going out with us would be too big to be proper friends with her. Which is just plain wrong. And then at the end of the night I went out of the dance floor to make a call with a friend and she went to the toilet and I was utterly stunned when she came back with tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong, thinking it was because she had to go home alone and didn’t want to and so obviously I insisted that it would be fine to go with her but she said it wasn’t that. She looked at me and asked me ‘Why do I always have to be the first one to go home?” and I was just floored. I knew where she was coming from; ideas that, what, she was the boring one? The, the what? Just fucking no, you know? It’s wrong that how society is has made people with such basic differences be made to feel less than what they are because of it. Just no. Be what you want to be. Be what you like. God I’m just by pure coincidence listening to this song that fits well with what I’m saying. I wish I could make people understand that...they are going to die some day and that life is all they have got. Death is nothing- it’s the end of things. Not anything to be fixated about; it’s gonna happen, that’s it. Just make the most of your life. LIVE IT. live it being you, not what other people want you to be.
And...well yeah, urgh this post is going absolutely nowhere it hasn’t been before.
I suck.
But anyway! Can we drop the emo and talk about something happy now? Yes ok: I’m going to steal my dad’s camera at Christmas, and my new year’s resolutions (along with other things which none of you can know about, ha!) is gonna be to take it with me EVERYWHERE and capture stuff. I’ve changed quite a bit with uni in the respect that I am A LOT more confident. I’m not sure if any of my friends know this (my family do cause they rock!!) but I haaaated meeting new people. And not like generally disliked it, I honestly hated it. I didn’t know how to do it and considering how much I have moved school that is quite a problem. But I always felt that I had met enough people- that I had been forced into the meeting-new-people situation enough times. But not now! I’m one of those people that talk to strangers easily and about everything now and it ROCKS!!! People always look at me with surprise but then generally pleasure as well at being so unexpectedly engaged in a conversation.
Right so the point of that was that I’m gonna take my camera and if I meet a person I really like the look of on the street I’m gonna ask if I can take their picture. Yes I totally am! I’ve thought about it and came to the conclusion that if they ever said ok (pressured by it) I would remedy the following posing awkwardness in the picture by making them talk about love or/and death. What I’m gonna do is say “are you in love?” and if they say yes I’m gonna ask them to think about the little things they like best about the other person. To just imagine them, like how he kisses your jaw-line instead of your cheek, or the way his hand lingers in your hair or the way she really listens instead of just waiting for a turn to speak, the way she hold your hand and brushes her thumb over your skin.
And just as they think about those little things I would snap a picture of their face and it will be wonderful. Can you all please tell me how utterly rockage this idea is? Because it is. Strangers rule. Except the creepy ones which leer. Leering is a big no-no people! Oh but I got a really nice look from a guy in a shop the other day. I went to Tesco with Zoe and I was asking her if she didn’t have like weird OCD things she had to do and she said no and as we were paying I was saying “yeah like me, before I go to bed I have to finish listening to the song that’s on in full, I can’t cut it off or I’ll feel really weird. I won’t go completely off but something inside just...” and I could tell the tesco guy was looking at me so I looked up and he had this really nice...interested and understanding look. So yes, conclusion: strangers are good as long as they are not leering.
ALSO! I saw someone walking down the road naked today! Teenager with his friends at night (no children) so creepiness factor was out. It was very funny because I was just thinking about how I’ve had nightmares about that- you know, walking down the street and then suddenly realising I’m only in my panties. LOL. The guy had a tattoo on his ass. Just in case you wanted to know! Really wished I had my camera though, it was SUCH a facebook moment!
And no, guys, I did not look at his penis. Just cause I know you’re thinking it because you are all perverts.
Also I had to jump down a wall and destroy my knees and feet and knock on Kento’s window at like 2 30 because I had forgotten my keys. Funny though cause I scared the shit out of him. He rocks! I send bloglovewaves to Kento. (He is obviously one of my flat mates, guys).
Woah this is long. It’s because I’m hyper. I love being hyper its a million times better than being drunk. I was hyper at Lucy’s and Val was just pissing herself saying she ‘wanted to see more of this Marina!’ and I realised that I was being quite myself! All loud and jokey and just plain- well you all know what I mean when I get like that. Also in Oceana (which is utter piss! Nicole and I vowed never to go back there unless under obligation. The music was suckage except for the end when we re-entered the disco bit and then it was quite good. They played Queen and I was like FRRREEEDDDIIIEEE and also they played YMCA and I was like CCEECCIILL. Oops am I still in the parenthesis? Closing this now...) As I was saying, in Oceana they were playing ‘ready to rumble’ and I swear I was going crazy, Nicole was like WTF!!!?? Cause I was like RRREEEAADDDYY TOOO RUMMBBLLLEEE.
Lol and this blog has transcended into topics which you guys really don't give a shit about. But it’s seven in the fucking morning oh my god.
ALSO! I went to bed at nine the other day. PM!! Yes my friends, you have heard me right. Burnout. I danced in my room for a bit (I do that a lot. And can freely admit it...obviously. It’s fun! Sex on Fire officially rocks.) and then took a shower and then sat in front of my computer and thought “essay due in two days. Must do.” But...yeah it wasn’t happening, so I went to bed (took me hours to get to sleep but ah wells) then slept really badly (I dream A LOT here. Or, if you’re being pedantic, I remember a lot of dreams here. A lot. A lot a lot. Like, almost every night. It’s confusing. Having a lot of dreams with a black puppy in it. In the last it died and so did my brother and I felt very sick because it was my fault.) and then woke up at seven, having 5 hours until my lecture so that I could spent around 3 on the essay in the morning but of course as it happens, just when I had to get up I suddenly fell asleep with no trouble and slept until nine in the morning. (internal clock wakes me up at 9 30 every day now it sucks.) so yeah I was in bed for 12 hours. Not normal. Not normal at all. And now I have a lab report due on Thursday. Oh but guys! I got a 65 on my last one! Yessssss! I’m so happy about that. Got 48 for my first, then only 52 for my second and then it suddenly jumped to 65 (and 70 is a first so- yay). I did no secondary reading cause I thought it wasn’t necessary for lab reports so all I have to do it that and maybe I will get a first for my next one! Woop!
Why am I still talking? Ok I am stopping now.
Will update later maybe with some music. To make up for these failure of this postage.
I love you all, I really just do.
ALSO!...ok no I should stop now. It’s eight now, got distracted msning with Nicole. I really like her, she would beat scissors every time, she would.
Right, this blog is now longer than what an essay is supposed to be.
That is SICK.
For those who have actually read all of this- you are so much better that those who didn’t. And going back and reading it now is cheating, you already suck.
So HA!
Also I’m gonna do another meme soon. Maybe another 15 things I like because u can never get enough liking. Or Lyle’s uni one.
Oh my God Marina stop typi-